ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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