What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
