is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
