he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
sex in a hospital.. check
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On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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