i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
