my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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