It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
