Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
dude. I can hear the air.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
