What a fucking waste of an outfit
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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