I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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