her vagine was all disorganized.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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