im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
