just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
