i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
