Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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