living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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