im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
