I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
