it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
