I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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