Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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