I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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