wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
