He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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