I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
