my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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