he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
