Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
