You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
