And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
