And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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