somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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