I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
