I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
