I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
