it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
