the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize