I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
