Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
