That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
