I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
