I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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