she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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