my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just googled if crying burns calories
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
