what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
