I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
