My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize