Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
pop tarts are not kleenex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
