And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
