Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
