just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
