I just threw up on my dentist
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
