They should really pass out barf bags in church
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize