he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
