The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
