I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
