why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
