No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
