apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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