i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
