so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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