the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's great music for shaving your balls
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
