I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
