there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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