Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
