I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
