the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
