Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
