FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
