she looked like the bat from fern gully.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
