i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
