So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
