The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
