A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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