im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
