thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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