Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
