hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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