Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
