Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
