Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
