He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
